Free Enterprise
Live, from Con-Com Stadium in Miami, Florida, the play-by-play voice breathlessly intoned, we are just moments away from Game One of the 2032 World Series.
Ralph Vincent turned up the car radio and gave a sour glance to his wife in the passenger seat.
“Why are they having this dinner party tonight?” he said, knowing it was a rhetorical question, but not caring. “I mean, I can understand Susan not knowing it was Game One of the World Series, but Fred’s a huge baseball fan. What’s his excuse?”
Michelle Vincent stared out the windshield. “There are a lot more important things in the world than baseball. And besides, a World Series between Miami and Minnesota? Why do you care?”
“Because it’s the World Series.”
“Hmff,” she muttered.
Bobby Grayson is completing his warm-up tosses now as Phil Lawrence, Minnesota’s leadoff hitter, settles into the batter’s box for the opening pitch. And this opening pitch is brought to you by Opening Pitch Business Solutions. Get your presentations across with Opening Pitch.
“How many Walco Dinner Parties have Fred and Susan had this year, five?” Ralph said irritably. “It’s enough already. Making us give up our Saturday nights like this.”
“Not if it helps everyone out.”
Grayson winds and delivers. Fastball on the outside corner for strike one. And the first strike is brought to you by First Strike Ant and Roach Killer. Throw a shutout against pests with First Strike.
Something occurred to Michelle. “Why did the announcer call it ‘Miami’? Didn’t they vote to sell the naming rights? Isn’t it ‘Florida Conglomerate Bank City’ now?”
“No, that doesn’t start until 2034.”
…low and away, for a ball. And when you’re low and away, don’t feel bad. Spend a relaxing night at a Comewright Inn.
Michelle turned and looked at the backseat to make sure the mac-and-cheese casserole wasn’t leaking.
“Are the Canfields going to be there tonight?” Ralph asked her.
“I suppose so, why?”
“You wanna make a bet on how soon George works into the conversation that he and Ethel need only three jobs to get by?”
Michelle laughed. “Right. They’re letting us know they’ve got it easier than we do, but they pretend it’s altruism. Like having one less job is allowing someone else to have one.”
Lawrence swings and lofts a lazy fly ball to center field. Dugan camps under it and makes the catch. And that catch is brought to you by Catch o’ the Day Seafood Restaurants. Ocean or bay, it’s Catch o’ the Day.
“Slow down, that’s their driveway over there,” said Michelle.
“I know, I know. You don’t have to tell me every time.”
He pulled into the driveway, parked behind several other cars and reluctantly, turned off the radio.
* * *
There was a new couple at the table that night, Jeff and Judy Clancy. They were in their twenties, ten years younger than the others, and they sat shyly at the far end as Fred, their host, introduced them.
“Jeff and Judy work with me at the Burger Meister,” he explained. “I think it’s great that a husband and wife have the same second job. I’m trying to get Susan to quit that checkout thing she does and apply there too, so we can actually see each other, but she won’t do it.”
“Can’t take the chance,” Susan said over her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen. “They’re always laying people off at Burger Meister. Top Shopper’s a lot more secure.”
“What do you guys primarily do?” Michelle asked the newbies.
“I’m a tax advisor,” said Jeff, “and Judy teaches physics.”
“You’ve got interesting T-shirts,” George Canfield noticed. Both Jeff and Judy were wearing matching T-shirts with the flying-duck logo of Mallard de Mer Cruise Lines. “Any special significance?”
“We wanted to tell you about this,” Judy offered in a wispy voice. “It’s a new promotion. If you’re wearing one of these shirts in a Walco Dinner Party video, you get points toward a free Caribbean cruise. We brought along some extras, if anyone wants to do it.”
This got a chuckle. “Thanks but no thanks,” said George. “I don’t think we’ve got a lot of time for cruises.”
“You mean,” Ralph whispered in Michelle’s ear, “not even with all that extra time from only three jobs?” Michelle gave him a playful kick under the table.
“Well, you can always sell the points,” said Jeff.
Susan came back into the dining room carrying Michelle’s reheated mac and cheese. She placed it in the center of the table among the other dishes.
“Okay, as we all know,” she announced, “this is a Walco Dinner, so let’s do the necessaries. Does everyone have their phones out?”
They all nodded and stood up, aiming their smartphones at the platters of food. “Ready?” said Susan. “Go!”
“This is a Walco Dinner Party,” they said in unison. “Every morsel of food on this table comes from Walco. Walco’s the best. We love you!”
They tapped to reverse their phones and display themselves. Then they all said their names and e-mail addresses, copied the videos onto the Walco app, and tapped “Send.”
“I suppose it’s not much to go through for a month of thirty percent off everything,” Ralph said, “but it’s so robotic and cultish. It’s creepy.”
“I don’t mind,” said Ethel Canfield. “If they use your video in one of their commercials, you get fifty percent off.”
They all settled in at the table and began to eat. Susan apologized for the toughness of the baked ham. “They have much better hams at Serve-town than at Walco, but what can you do?”
At one point, the topic turned to politics. “Did you hear?” Fred remarked. “We may have our first nonhuman member of Congress.”
“Get out!” George said.
“It’s true. Ever since the Supreme Court ruled that corporations have the same rights as people, they’ve been talking about corporations running for public office. Now they’re really doing it. There’s a congressional district in South Carolina where Wise Acre Realty is ahead of the incumbent by ten points.”
They all shook their heads. “I guess if my accounting firm ever ran for office, I’d be expected to vote for it,” Jeff said. “Or else make damn sure no one knew I didn’t.”
“I just wouldn’t vote,” said Judy. “Why take the chance?”
After dessert, Ralph tried to persuade Fred to sneak into the den and turn on the World Series, but Michelle overheard and nixed the idea.
“You can find out the score on our way home,” she told him. “We can’t just hang out here all night, you know. You have to get up early for work, remember?”
“How can I forget?”
Susan was curious. “Work tomorrow? I thought the Shoe Shack was closed on Sundays.”
“It is,” said Ralph, “and that’s why the opportunity to be the giant drumstick in front of Chickie Chickie Boom Boom’s was too good to pass up. The only thing is, I hope none of my students come by there and recognize me.”
“They’re making him teach gym now, as well as French,” Michelle put in. “It never ends.”
“C’est la vie,” Ralph sighed.
“Actually, we have to leave too,” said Ethel. “George’s mother is babysitting, and we really should get home and rescue her.”
“You’ve got kids?” Judy said enviously. “I know people aren’t having them so much anymore, but Jeff and I would like to have at least one someday.”
The others laughed good-naturedly. “Have several,” said Michelle, “if you can find a free minute.”
They all said their good-byes, Fred turned on the exterior lights, and the three couples trooped out to the driveway. George asked Ralph if he’d do him a favor and video him and Ethel in front of their car.
“Takahashi is having a promotion,” he explained. “If we do a video testimonial next to our car and post it on InstaChat, we’ll get a hundred dollars’ worth of free charge-ups.”
“We should check and see if Nishomon is doing something like that,” Michelle told Ralph, who grimaced.
“Listen, I know it’s stupid,” she said, “but if we don’t do it, it’s like throwing away money.”
“Mustn’t throw away money,” Ralph muttered. “You can throw away your life, no problem. But don’t ever throw away money.”
They all got into their cars and, with a final wave and a flick of their high beams, drove off into the moonless night.